Okay guys, I know this is super out-of-character for me, but it's gnawing at my mind and chewing a pit in my stomach and I'm hoping that by sharing it with you guys, maybe I'll feel a little better.
My guild is dying. And I don't know what to do.
Some of you may remember all the past victories of our guild, because I wrote about them so proudly. How we gained so many members, so fast. How we did so many heroics and eventually these turned into weekly Karazhan runs. We were progressing. We were < Entelechy > dangit. We were many. We were legion.
Then the boyfriend got busy with life-stuff and gave the guild to me. And at that exact same time my job decided to schedule me mostly afternoons/evenings from here on out. And at that exact same time, a bunch of the guild regulars... the people who had been there forever... started to slowly drift away. They left for bigger guilds. Or they left to play alts on other servers. Or they simply went on WoW hiatus.
And here we are today; this once mighty guild is hemorrhaging members. Karazhan runs? Unheard of. That was something we used to do. These days we're lucky if we can scrape together five or six people once a month or so to get in there with PuGs to fill us out, and we get stuck at Opera. Opera. This is not the < Entelechy > I once knew. This is not the scrappy group of friends that fought our way tenaciously through Medivh's tower, on our own, without the help of bigger guilds. This is not "THUNDERCATS HO" before Shade of Aran. This is not people affectionately calling me "Tawtaw" and cheeking with me, "I don't care if it's immune to traps, trap it anyway." This is not "FIVE SECONDS TO EVOCATE!!"
Not anymore. What went wrong? I don't know.
On the rare days that I can bring myself to log in to Silver Hand, I deal with more people who are leaving or contemplating leaving, because it is very clear that the guild is dying, or at least changing drastically. It hurts. I don't blame them for leaving, not at all. But you think about how before you become GM, there would be 15 people all online, all doing stuff and chatting up a storm in Ventrilo, and now you're GM and you're lucky if there's five people on... and nothing is going on, and the atmosphere is gloomy... and it makes you think. What am I doing wrong? Did I do anything wrong, or was it simply bad timing?
I'd give the guild away because I clearly do not have the time or energy to be GM, and maybe somebody else can salvage it... but there's hardly anybody left to give the guild to.
/gdisband? I've thought about it. Yep, I'm confessing it: I've thought about it. Perhaps it is necessary, like putting down a dying creature. But I don't know if I could ever bring myself to do that. Not this group of friends. Not this family. That was what we called ourselves, back in the day. We weren't just a guild. We were family. Combine that with the vague hope in the back of my mind that maybe it's just a rough patch we're going through, maybe we'll come back with a vengeance in Wrath of the Lich King... I don't know if I could bring myself to type out the command.
But in the meantime I have to put up with a heavy heart everytime I log in and see more people leaving or confiding with me that they are thinking about leaving, and see more half-hearted Karazhan runs getting canceled for lack of interest. It's painful, this hole in my heart is. And no Heavy Netherweave Bandage is gonna fix it anytime soon.
Though admittedly, writing it all down has made me feel better. The wounds are still there, yeah... but I don't feel quite so alone.
(Note to any guildies/ex-guildies that may possibly be reading: I <3 you all and I am not in anyway upset with anybody, or laying the blame on anybody. Too much happened at the wrong time, I think. I hope. If it was somehow my fault... I apologize.)